That Damn Wedding Dress

15 Jan

From what I hear, the stress of the “big wedding day” can give any bride nightmares. I’ve had a couple. Mainly, they involve thousands of people shooting bows and arrows at my head as I walk down the aisle or the cake being poison. Nothing too bad, and all totally relating to my unrelenting social anxiety.

But, there’s another. It’s not so much of a nightmare as it is a phobia/fear. WHAT THE F#$CK WILL I DO IF I CANT FIT IN MY G-DAMN DRESS?!?!

Forget my hair looking good. Screw people not coming. I couldn’t care less if food is even there. My dress scares the crap out of me. It’s like my worst enemy at this point. I dread seeing it, I dont want to talk about it, and it’s hidden in some dark (literal) closet.

I may have forgotten to mention that I bought that dress about… oh… 20lbs ago. That’s right. I gained 20lbs in less than a year. It’s as horrible as it sounds so feel free to judge me for it. 2012 was a bad year full of emotional eating and avoiding my gym shoes like the plague. The fact that I had gained 20lbs wasn’t lost on me leading up to this weekend. I knew going in that this would be a tight fit. I expected it to not exactly zip up either.

What I got was worse. So much so. My dress wasn’t even CLOSE to zipping. It got about half way up and was like “Screw this, bitch.” I tried to smile through this mini-fitting with my mom. I put on my new shoes and kept redirecting my her attention to them. But she couldn’t even keep in her fear and continually brought up the “What are you going to do if it doesn’t zip up?” question I’ve been avoiding.

See, it has to fit. I am not that girl. I’m not getting it taken out, nor am I changing it to a corset back. This dress will fit. And I will even go running if I have to. I tried to muster that determined spirit as I reassured my now panicking mother (who, three days later, is still bringing it up). But who am I kidding? This is a mess.

Oh god. This is some shit for therapy. I’ve had plenty of clothing not fit. But none of those are my wedding dress.

I know that I did this to myself. I had a full year to get myself together, but I didn’t. I was too busy focusing on my depression and literally feeding in to it. And now I am here: 8 months to go and I HAVE to lose at least 15lbs. I cant maintain anymore. This is getting desperate.

So, I’m making a plan:

  • Drink at least 8 cups of water a day. No calories as beverages except for milk and the occasional glass of juice. Alcohol allowed on only special occasions
  • 1200-1600 calories per day except for when I burn more than 600 calories working out.
  • Carbs at lunch and breakfast only. Can move carbs to dinner, but I must have worked out that day. Pasta is only allowed twice a week.
  • No eating past 8:30pm except when dining out or eating my one cheat food (popcorn).
  • Popcorn has moved to a once a week treat to once every other week. Sorry fiance and dog.
  • All food and calories burned via exercise shall be tracked daily. You can visit myfitness pal (I’m ohmybears48) to make sure I’m doing this.
  •  Participate in #plankaday challenge. Post results on twitter for accountability.
  • Workouts are as follows*:

Monday: 20-30 min run, 30 min. kickboxing, and 20 min core
Tuesday: 1 hour boot camp class (or 30 min elliptical and 30 min kettlebell)
Wednesday: 30 min weight lift sculpt, 30 min run
Thursday: 1 hour yoga
Friday: 30 min run
Saturday: 1 hour boot camp or cardio hour class
Sunday: 30 min cardio hour, 30 min power hour, 1 hour yoga (or 1 hour dance and 30 min run)

*I’m not crazy, nor a novice, so I wont be too anal about this schedule as long as I get the majority or the equivalent done.

I plan on trying on the dress again at Easter, so March 31st. If I have lost over 5lbs, I will reward myself by buying new earrings. If I have lost 10lbs, I will buy myself a massage. If I have lost more, I will buy myself a new work outfit. My second try on will be when I get a fitting done with a friend/seamstress probably in May or June. Same rewards apply.

Plan set? Plan sound good? Ok. Let’s go.

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