365-ish Days In The Library

4 Jan

I’ve been dawdling on this post. Every year, I feel like I write out this long “resolution list” that goes nowhere. Like so many, I start each year optimistic and slowly fade in to cynicism by June. The only time I was truly successful in keeping a resolution was in 2011 when I ran a half marathon and lost 30lbs.

And then gained it all back (plus some) in 2012.

However, this year will be different. Not because I’ve got some grand plan or some rad organization system going. No, this year will be different because it has to be. 2013 (or, if you read the Bloggess, The Library) is the year I get married. If that isn’t a change, I dont know what is!

Interrupting, Mental Voice: Actually, it isn’t much of a change, Michelle. You already live with your fiance and share about 80% of your finances. Besides the legality, what will be different. 

Ok, that b$tch of a mental voice has a point. What will be different? I wake up every morning to this fantastic, supportive being at my side. He’s not going anywhere soon. Nor am I. It’s been like this for three years.

So, maybe it’s the wedding that will force my life to change. I’m not one of those brides who thinks their wedding deserves more than the day. But as the time gets closer to solidify my bridal party, send out invitations, and wade through food choices, I find myself more and more overwhelmed with what involves in coordinating essentially four large family reunions and a ceremony in one location. There’s a lot of emotion there, especially since my little sister has gone first and I have something to compare/compete with (middle child syndrome). It’s going to take a lot of emotional strength to get through this.

Resolution #1: Get through wedding planning.
How I’m going to do it: YOGA (once a week), dancing (whenever I feel like it), and managing my finances.
Pay off: If we can manage to save thousands upon thousands upon thousands (and some more thousands…) while thriving mentally, I know my marriage will be well worth it.

Of course I want to lose weight for the wedding. Who hasn’t? I’m not happy with where I am. Not even close. I look in that mirror and think “WHAT HAPPENED?” Just two years ago, I proved that I could do this. It took a lot of work, some in which I am not willing to put in to save myself mentally, but I did it.

Resolution #2: Feel beautiful on September 28th, 2013
How I’m going to do it: Checking in on myfitnesspal.com, utilizing my gym membership 4 times a week, and visiting the treadmills.
Pay off: I ran today (alone) for the first time in about three months. It felt great! Ok, no it didn’t. It felt like I was a slow, flying brick about to hit the ground at any moment. But I did it. And it forced me to write this blog. There’s that.

Not wedding related, but something that will happen right around wedding time is that I am hoping to start work towards my MSW (master of social work) so that I can be a LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) in CF practices (children and family). God, I love acronyms. Just ten minutes ago, I finished applying to one program here in the city and I plan on starting application number 2 later this week.

I am confident that working in social work is a field that I would be successful in. After speaking with my therapist, people in the field currently, and with my support group of awesomeness (SGoA), I believe that I can manage this. I would like to work full time while going to the program of my choice, but I’d also consider going full time if I could find a near full time assistantship position.

Resolution #3: Change of careers
How I’m going to do it: Start a new academic program OR find a new job. ASAP. It’s not like I dont already spend about 4 hours a day on job search websites anyways…
The payoff: I certainly dont expect more money. In fact, I am pretty sure I’ll make right around what I’m getting now. But I’d rather make a difference than feel like I’m working my ass off towards nothing. I love my students and profession, but I just haven’t gotten that “you’re doing some good in the world” feeling from it. The ultimate self satisfaction is well deserved self-righteousness.

Ok. I’m off to ice my legs, write some “please recommend me even though you haven’t seen me in four years” emails, and look up cake toppers! What are you doing in the year of the library?

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